Friday, March 20, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait

So... We have our next round of IVF scheduled. I am currently taking all the medications necessary to prepare my body for the egg retrieval. I will have my first ultra sound on Monday, March 23 and that will predict what day my eggs will be "extracted" (sometime later that week). Once they extract the eggs, we will wait three days and then they will put a few eggs back in (probably two, definitely not six or eight). And then we will wait and see. A couple of weeks later I will have some blood tests to determine if my body is "keeping" the eggs or not.

There is nothing definite about this process, other than the ultra sound. I don't know what day my body will be ready, or what day they will implant the eggs, or when or if I will be pregnant.

So I wanted to let you know so you can hurry up and wait it out with me...



On another note...

I feel somewhat remiss for not posting more often or making more updates. This has been a very strange process. In one way this is one of the most private things a family goes through, and in other ways I feel like the whole process should be transparent and I should share all my feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears.

This has been an extraordinarily busy 4 months. I have been stretched a little thin, and am worried about my constant stress level (I am a stresser anyway). I have let some important activities (like thrice weekly yoga) go by the wayside, and I feel like I have been sabotaging myself a little by not doing more for me. It's not like I am about to do some completely indulgent personal procedure like a week at the spa, but there is something in my psyche that tells me that this is too much about me and I need to focus on others. My current calling at church helps and hinders that mind set. It's just not easy for me to focus on me. (Don't get me wrong... I am so aware of how selfish I am... I just feel better about being selfish when I have the opportunity to balance it out with service... I just don't have the time or capacity for the service right now and that stresses me out, too.)

But my thoughts and feelings are never far from those who have made this round possible. It is so humbling to be the recipient of funds, time, energy, industry, and prayer. I am way more comfortable being on the other end, but I am grateful beyond words, song, art, dance, or any other form or expression. If I could stage a fireworks show for all of you, over the water, on a warm summer's evening, after a delicious BBQ and chocolate cake... that would begin to express it. I love you. I have needed you. Thank you for being there.

7 comments:

Lucky Mommy said...

Oh, it is so hard to go through that. You will be in our prayers, especially the next month or so.

emma jo said...

I'll take fireworks and BBQ! We are thinking of you and your eggs.

michaelstubbs said...

We love you and hope and pray for the best.

Suzie Petunia said...

I can just imagine the party you would throw... and I KNOW you would if you could. :) I would have been completely satisfied with just chocolate cake though. (I love it that much.)

My every hope and prayer is for you this month. Please don't worry about keeping everyone updated. We all just want what is best for you, and we'll all know in time what will come. Try to relax. Take that yoga class! :) We love you.

Abby said...

I about lost it in family prayer tonight. We all want this for you so much, and it's been a humbling experience/privelage to observe and to realize the love that so many feel for you. I'm getting emotional again just typing. Am I just going to be crying all the time after this life--with all the love and knowledge and gratitude--or will my spirit-self have the capacity to better contain tears? I love you and your sweet hubby very much.

katyvee said...

Oh you are so loved and enjoyed. Just being fresh-faced Carrie with all your 'zest' and genuine interest and concern for others..
is enough. Just letting us know you, THERE'S your service!
Relax.. and know you are precious.
You will be in our prayers.. lots.
(Sophie's always entusiastic to add a new phrase to her collection of prayer thoughts..)

Suzie Petunia said...

Thinking for you, praying for those little embryos... constantly.