Sunday, March 29, 2009

We Have Good News and Bad News....

Our Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you once again for all of your love and prayers and support. We had our egg retrieval this week and I wanted to give you all an update.

Wednesday morning we went in and they retrieved 14 eggs from my eager and ready ovaries. Todd made his contribution and we have 11 healthy embryos as a result: this is the good news.

The bad news is that late Thursday night my ovaries went into hyper stimulation which means that they continued to enlarge (not make more eggs... just get bigger). We went back to the doctor early Friday morning and had ultrasounds and blood tests to confirm this. My ovaries were both over 10 centimeters wide at this point, and were crowding my organs up into my stomach and lungs (just like a real pregnancy!) This immediate shift was causing extreme pain including nausea and difficulty breathing. I was given pain medication which makes it possible for me to breathe, sit up, and walk around if I need to. Eating and drinking has been difficult, but I am finally able to eat today (Sunday). I have been instructed to drink Gatorade and measure how much goes in and how much goes out (haven't you always wanted to know that?). I have to weigh myself and measure my "girth". As of today, my right ovary is still getting bigger, but ly left ovary has plateaued. Hopefully, I will be getting better soon. I am still in a lot of pain and am battling the effects of pain meds (not all of them are pleasant) and a fever, but Todd is a great nurse, Mom and Amy (and Kacy) have been over to help keep the house clean and keep my spirits up. I really appreciate all the help and phone calls from family and friends.

We will go ahead and freeze the 11 embryos and try and get my body ready to implant them in 8 weeks or so (not all of them... I'm not going for a world's record!). They will thaw 4 embryos at a time and choose the best two to be implanted. We will make sure to let you all know when that will take place.

Although this has not turned out exactly the way we wanted it to this time, we still feel that the Lord has had His hand in this and that there are blessing to be had. We could not have done this with out you. We love you. We'll keep you posted.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait

So... We have our next round of IVF scheduled. I am currently taking all the medications necessary to prepare my body for the egg retrieval. I will have my first ultra sound on Monday, March 23 and that will predict what day my eggs will be "extracted" (sometime later that week). Once they extract the eggs, we will wait three days and then they will put a few eggs back in (probably two, definitely not six or eight). And then we will wait and see. A couple of weeks later I will have some blood tests to determine if my body is "keeping" the eggs or not.

There is nothing definite about this process, other than the ultra sound. I don't know what day my body will be ready, or what day they will implant the eggs, or when or if I will be pregnant.

So I wanted to let you know so you can hurry up and wait it out with me...

On another note...

I feel somewhat remiss for not posting more often or making more updates. This has been a very strange process. In one way this is one of the most private things a family goes through, and in other ways I feel like the whole process should be transparent and I should share all my feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears.

This has been an extraordinarily busy 4 months. I have been stretched a little thin, and am worried about my constant stress level (I am a stresser anyway). I have let some important activities (like thrice weekly yoga) go by the wayside, and I feel like I have been sabotaging myself a little by not doing more for me. It's not like I am about to do some completely indulgent personal procedure like a week at the spa, but there is something in my psyche that tells me that this is too much about me and I need to focus on others. My current calling at church helps and hinders that mind set. It's just not easy for me to focus on me. (Don't get me wrong... I am so aware of how selfish I am... I just feel better about being selfish when I have the opportunity to balance it out with service... I just don't have the time or capacity for the service right now and that stresses me out, too.)

But my thoughts and feelings are never far from those who have made this round possible. It is so humbling to be the recipient of funds, time, energy, industry, and prayer. I am way more comfortable being on the other end, but I am grateful beyond words, song, art, dance, or any other form or expression. If I could stage a fireworks show for all of you, over the water, on a warm summer's evening, after a delicious BBQ and chocolate cake... that would begin to express it. I love you. I have needed you. Thank you for being there.